Reclaiming Women Series #3. Reclaiming Our Minds

Many women live with a constant stream of thoughts—planning, anticipating, worrying, remembering. It can feel as though our minds are always switched on, always scanning ahead, always trying to keep everything and everyone on track.

Did I reply to that email?

Have I forgotten the PE kit?

Should I have said that differently?

What’s for dinner?

Did I upset someone?

What happens if this goes wrong?

For many women, this constant thinking becomes so normal that we barely notice it anymore. We describe ourselves as “overthinkers”, anxious people, worriers. We joke about our inability to switch off. We tell ourselves we just need to relax more, meditate more, organise ourselves better.

But I wonder if something deeper is happening beneath all of this.

Because overthinking does not emerge from nowhere.

Often, it grows from responsibility. From pressure. From years of trying to anticipate everyone else’s needs whilst managing our own quietly in the background.

The Emotional Load Women Carry

Women frequently carry what is often called the mental load—the invisible labour of remembering, anticipating, organising, and emotionally managing life.

Not just tasks, but the emotional atmosphere around those tasks.

Remembering birthdays. Noticing when someone seems upset. Managing appointments. Thinking ahead about what everyone else might need. Holding family relationships together. Monitoring moods, tensions, schedules, feelings.

Even when this labour is shared practically, women are often still socialised to carry it emotionally.

And emotional responsibility has a way of settling itself into the mind.

We become hyper-alert. Hyper-responsible. Constantly switched on.

Over time, our minds can begin to feel less like places of curiosity or creativity and more like command centres permanently operating in crisis management mode.

The Social Expectations Placed Upon Women

Part of the difficulty is that women are not simply born into this way of thinking—we are shaped into it.

From a young age, many girls are encouraged to be helpful, emotionally aware, accommodating, organised, and “good”. We are often praised for noticing the needs of others, for being caring, selfless, and emotionally available.

These qualities are not inherently negative. Care and empathy are deeply valuable human strengths.

But when women are socialised to constantly monitor the emotional and practical wellbeing of everyone around them, it becomes very difficult to rest psychologically.

Our minds learn that vigilance equals safety. That being needed equals worth. That if we stop holding everything together, things might fall apart.

And perhaps this is also about power.

Because keeping women overwhelmed, busy, and preoccupied leaves very little room for expansiveness. Very little room for creativity, pleasure, rest, protest, ambition, curiosity, or freedom.

If women are constantly exhausted by carrying the emotional and practical load of life, there is less energy left for questioning systems, taking up space, or imagining different ways of living.

Oppression does not always look loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like women being so busy surviving and managing that they barely have time to ask themselves what they actually want.

When Self-Criticism Becomes the Background Noise

What is striking is how often women respond to this mental exhaustion with criticism of themselves.

Why can’t I cope better?

Why am I so emotional?

Why can’t I just switch off?

Why does everything feel so overwhelming?

But perhaps the issue is not that women are inherently bad at coping.

Perhaps many women are coping remarkably well under enormous emotional pressure.

The difficulty is that our culture often praises women for endurance rather than encouraging rest, support, or softness. We are rewarded for being capable, organised, productive, and available.

And eventually, many women internalise the belief that slowing down is failure.

Anxiety, Perfectionism, and the Fear of Letting Go.

For some women, overthinking is also closely tied to perfectionism.

If I think about everything enough, perhaps nothing will go wrong.If I anticipate every possible problem, maybe I can keep everyone safe.If I stay vigilant, maybe I can avoid criticism, rejection, or failure.

Of course, this is exhausting.

The mind becomes stuck in a loop of monitoring and predicting, rarely allowing itself true rest.

And underneath this is often something profoundly human: fear.

Fear of getting it wrong, of disappointing others, not being enough... (always repeat after me: we are enough, we are enough, we are...).

Reclaiming Our Minds

So what might it mean to reclaim our minds?

Not to silence our thoughts completely, or become endlessly calm and serene, but to begin relating to ourselves differently.

Perhaps it means recognising that constant overthinking is often an understandable response to pressure rather than a personal flaw.

Perhaps it means becoming more compassionate towards the parts of ourselves that are trying very hard to keep everything together.

Perhaps it means allowing ourselves moments where we are not endlessly productive or emotionally available.

And perhaps reclaiming our minds also means asking difficult questions about the systems and expectations that have made so many women feel responsible for carrying so much in the first place.

Because a reclaimed mind is not just a calmer mind.

It is a freer one.

A Gentle Reminder

Your mind is not failing because it is tired.

It may simply have been carrying too much for too long.

And you do not have to earn rest by reaching breaking point first.

Some Questions to Sit With

What thoughts or responsibilities feel as though they are constantly running in the background of your mind?

And what might change if you responded to those thoughts with curiosity and compassion, rather than criticism?